Ever fallen down the self-help rabbit hole and woke up surrounded by books, podcasts, and a to-do list that screams “optimize your life”? Yeah… same.
In this episode, I’m spilling some honest confessions about my long, complicated relationship with the self-help world from binging every motivational book under the sun to realizing I was basically living in a self-improvement loop.
We’ll talk about:
- When self-help turns into self-sabotage
- Why I had to quit the “guru” act and start writing like a real human again
- The ridiculous things I’ve seen behind the scenes in the training and development world
- And how I finally found a healthier way to grow without drowning in advice
If you’ve ever highlighted half a book, bookmarked every TED Talk, and still felt stuck… this one’s for you.
Full Transcript:
Hey, welcome back to JacQ of All Trades! This is Episode 13, and today we’re going to talk about something that might sting a little… but in a good way.
You know those people who binge self-help books, stack their shelves with “life-changing” reads, highlight the crap out of every page, attend every seminar, listen to all the podcasts… and then do absolutely nothing with it? That was me.
So, consider this episode my confession as a former self-help junkie.
Ever since I started writing, I’ve made it a point to keep it real. I’m not here pretending to be some guru who’s figured out the meaning of life. If I haven’t been through it, I won’t hand out advice about it. I mean, how would I know how to get out of a mess if I’ve never been knee-deep in one, right?
And just so we’re clear, I still read self-help. I still nerd out about productivity hacks and systems that make life easier. I even write about it sometimes.
Who am I kidding? I write about it all the time. But here’s the difference: I don’t pretend to have it all together. I’m just sharing my own stories, in the hope that maybe you’ll relate.
The first self-help book I ever picked up was The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. A marketing professor recommended it, and once I cracked it open… oh boy. That was the gateway drug.
I went down a rabbit hole as I started reading dozens upon dozens of self-help books. I also signed up for seminars and attended…well, too many to count. Then I started engaging a couple of people as mentors like they’re collectibles, you know.
And sure, some of it helped. I did grow. I learned things. But here’s the part nobody really talks about: there’s a point where self-help turns into self-sabotage. That’s when you no longer grow, you’re just consuming and repeating. Collecting life hacks while your actual life… still sucks. Why? Because you’re not applying any of it.
Due to my self-help obsession back then, it was only natural that I ended up in the training and development industry. I did instructional design, program development, marketing—you name it. And what I saw with my own eyes? Let’s just say…I couldn’t get out fast enough.
Not because learning is bad, but because the people teaching it often were. And I’m not talking about technical trainers, they’re solid. I mean the soft skills “experts.”
You may even come across these people; Leadership trainers who couldn’t lead a team of three, communication trainers who ghosted emails and teamwork facilitators who couldn’t even agree on lunch.
These were the same people quoting Brené Brown while panicking at actual vulnerability. And yes, I helped market their programs. I pitched their frameworks. And most of the time, it was 20% lived experience, 80% recycled wisdom from some YouTube gurus
So, I left… only to start blogging and, surprise! Did the exact same thing.
Yup. I started writing about leadership, communication, productivity and all the personal development clichés. People loved it. They started messaging me for advice.
Business, career and even relationship advice. Which was hilarious, because let’s be real, I’ve been in one long-term relationship for over 20 years. Happy, yes. But do I know the secret formula? Heck no. Luck? Chemistry? Mutual love for junk food? Couldn’t tell you.
Same thing with business. How to run a multi-million dollar company with 500 employees? Yeah, no thanks. I could handle the social media marketing strategy, but advising the leadership team? That was a hat way too big for me.
That’s when I realized, I was just playing the guru game. Polished tone, professional advice, and pretending to have it all together. So I quit…again.
Now I just write like me. The me who sometimes hates socializing. The me who knows exactly what to do, but still procrastinates until the deadline is breathing down my neck.
To be fair, I did try living what I wrote. Once, I went two whole years complaint-and-gossip-free. Almost. Hiccups happened. But it was one of my proudest phases, not just because of self-help, but because I had optimistic friends around me who kept me accountable.
That’s the part the books don’t tell you. Growth isn’t just about hacks and habits, it’s also about your environment. The people around you matter more than any checklist.
These days, whenever I share tips, I don’t just drop them like gospel truths. They always come with disclaimers. Things like: *‘This worked for me—it might not be for you.’ Or, ‘I’m still figuring this out myself.’ Sometimes it’s, ‘This isn’t a quick fix, it’s a process.’ And my favorite one: ‘I didn’t know better back then, but now I do.’
Way more honest, right?
I still love self-help, just not the fake stuff. I still read a lot of books, but I’m pickier. If the author doesn’t walk their talk, I’m out.
Instead, I go for:
- Practical reads from real creators and entrepreneurs.
- Management books or memoirs by actual CEOs, not influencer bros.
- Skill-building stuff like writing, design, and digital art.
- Thoughtful takes from people who actually do the work.
The world is drowning in copy-paste gurus selling hope in checklist form. And the worst part? People eat it up. They highlight, bookmark and post quotes. But their lives stay the same.
And listen, I’m begging you. Don’t be one of those people. I was stuck in that cycle for years. Miserable. And the only way out was to stop consuming and start doing.
So if you’re in that loop; always looking for the next book, the next podcast, the next life hack, pause. The problem might not be lack of knowledge. The problem might be that you’re using knowledge as an excuse to avoid action.
Take a break from consuming, and just… do.
That’s it for today. Thanks for hanging out with me. If this clicked with you, share it with a friend who’s drowning in their self-help stack. And I’ll see you in the next one.
