The internet can be the best place to find your people…and the fastest way to lose yourself if you’re not careful.
In this episode, I’m talking about online connections; the wholesome ones, the sketchy ones, and the “wait, why does this feel off?” ones. As an introvert who’s been chronically online since high school, I’ve made real friendships through the internet (yes, even flew across continents for them), but I’ve also learned the hard way that not everyone online is who they claim to be.
We’re diving into:
- The “too good to be true” profiles that scream scam or catfish
- Communication patterns that give off creepy, stalker-ish vibes
- Practical profile and platform red flags most people ignore
- Why love bombing, boundary-pushing, and oversharing are never “just being nice”
- How to protect your personal info without becoming paranoid or closed off
This isn’t about being fearful, it’s about being aware. You can find your tribe online… just don’t hand over your trust, time, or bank details too easily.
Full Transcript
Hey guys, welcome back to JacQ of All Trades.
This is Episode 20, which honestly feels a little unreal, and before we get into today’s topic, I just want to say thank you.
If you’ve been listening since the early episodes, or if you popped in halfway, or if this is literally your first time pressing play, thank you for being here, for spending your time with me, and for letting this podcast exist in your ears.
It means more than you probably realize. Okay. Now that I’ve had my soft, sentimental moment…
Today, I want to talk about something most of us deal with daily but don’t always talk about openly; the internet.
More specifically, how it can be the best place to find your people…and also the worst place to lose yourself.
And if you’re an introvert, chronically online, socially anxious, or just someone who connects better behind a screen, pull up a chair. This one’s for you.
So, I’ve been connecting with people online since… high school. Which feels wild to say out loud.
As an introvert, I’ve always found it way easier to socialize behind a screen than face-to-face. Because online? You can think, type and delete. You can even rethink your entire life choice and retype because nobody is staring at you, waiting for a response.
Pure bliss, honestly. No awkward silences.
And look…I’m not here to demonize the internet. Over the years, I’ve met genuinely good people through online communities.
Some of them even became real-life friends. My most memorable one? I bonded with a close friend online for two years before I actually flew to Cape Town, twice, to meet her and a few mutuals we’d all met through her.
And let me tell you…it was surreal. You know that moment where you’re like, “Wait… you’re real. You have a voice. You exist in 3D.”
Online world meets offline world. And thankfully, in this case, it was wholesome.
But…on the flip side, for every wholesome connection, there’s also a potential horror story waiting in the wings.
Even back in the early days of the internet, we already had: catfishing, scamming and digital stalking.
And now? We’ve got deepfakes, voice changers, and AI-generated “perfect humans.”
So yeah…while I love the internet for helping me find my people…I’ve also learned to keep one foot on the brakes.
Because optimism without boundaries? That’s how you end up in a Netflix documentary. Hey it rhymes…
Now…there’s no guaranteed way to spot a scammer or a creep. If there were, we’d all be safer and I’d be out of podcast material.
But over time, I have developed a few gut-check signs…patterns that help me filter out the sketchy ones.
I’m not an online detective. Definitely not FBI. I’m just someone who’s spent way too many hours on the internet.
And if my experience helps even one person avoid getting burned? Worth it.
The “Too Good to Be True” Vibe
You know the vibe. When someone feels like they were…built in a lab.
First up: The Instant Superstar.
Their profile is suspiciously perfect; super model looks, amazing job, always traveling, but their follower count is low or they follow way too many people. It feels like they were built in a lab. I won’t even waste any time on these people.
Zero Digital Footprint.
They are only on one platform, and their profile is very recent with maybe 3-4 pictures uploaded around the same time. A quick reverse image search might show that the photos are stock images or belong to someone else.
On the flip side, I also understand and respect people who try to protect their privacy and hence, you hardly see their online presence so I’d usually go for other ways to verify if they’re real.
The “Can We Take This Private?” Rush.
If someone wants to move from a dating app or social platform to WhatsApp, email, or some random chat app way too fast? Big red flag.
I usually insist we stay on-platform until I’m confident. It’s much easier to block someone on an app than after you’ve handed over your phone number like a souvenir.
The Sob Story or Sudden Emergency.
The conversation quickly moves to a financial crisis, an investment opportunity, or a plea for help.
Oh trust me I have people I haven’t even meet in person asking me for money.
Even when my real life friends ask me for money, I would not agree right away until I verify if it’s them who text or call me and not a scammer using their identity so if anyone who ask me for money online is not someone I know in person, they can very well forget about it.
Refusal to Voice or Video Chat.
They constantly have an excuse for why they can’t hop on a call or video chat. This is a massive red flag!
If they’re not who they say they are, they can’t show their face. That’s why I don’t trust it when I don’t know how the person look or sound like. What’s worse is that I don’t even know their real name and where they come from.
And now, with AI faces and voice changers. Even that’s not foolproof anymore. So again…patterns matter.
Now, let us look at communication and behavioural red flags.
The Love Bomber.
They declare deep feelings for you incredibly quickly like “soulmate” or “love of my life” after only a few messages. This is a tactic called “love bombing” and it’s used to manipulate.
Boundary Issues.
They push when you say no or guilt-trip you for not replying fast enough. A healthy person respects space. A manipulator sees it as a challenge.
Excessive Information Demand
They ask very specific, probing questions about your routine, where you live, where you work, or specific personal details that go beyond normal getting-to-know-you conversation. All these could potentially be ways to figure out your passwords.
The Guilt Trip Gambit.
They act hurt, angry, or passive-aggressive when you’re not available. That’s emotional blackmail disguised as affection. They might try to isolate you from your friends or family by being overly possessive.
The Stalking Evidence
They bring up things you never told them, but they found on a deep dive into your old social media posts, a friend’s profile, or a public record.
So guys, a little detective work goes a long way. How about we look at profile and platform warning signs.
First, vague or contradictory bio: Their profile details don’t add up or are incredibly generic. They might say they live in London but talk about the weather in California.
Second, mutual friends check: If you share no mutual connections, that’s not necessarily a problem, but if they claim to know a specific person or place you’re connected to, verify it privately with that person.
Finally, the time zone discrepancy: If they claim to be in a nearby city but are only active and messaging you at 3 AM your time and you’re not in a huge time difference, it suggests they might be operating from a different country. A common sign for offshore scam operations.
You know the hard boundary moment for me personally? When I find out someone’s been pretending…like someone pretending to be a different gender just to stalk or manipulate?
I’m done. No second chances. Trust is already hard enough to build online. Deception doesn’t get a seat at that table.
So yeah…I’m all for making friends online, finding your tribe and building community. But keep your eyes open and guard your personal info like it’s the password to your bank account. Because sometimes…it literally is.
If this episode resonated with you or made you go, “Oh wow, I’ve seen that before”, follow JacQ of All Trades so you don’t miss future episodes. Following helps more than you think and I promise, no love bombing. Just good vibes.
I talk about creativity, solopreneur life, gaming, internet culture, and all the messy in-betweens we don’t usually put on LinkedIn.
Alright my dear listeners, now go forth and make friends. Trust your gut though.
And remember…if someone feels too perfect online…they’re either fictional…or about to ask you for money.
Stay sharp, stay safe, and I’ll catch you in the next episode.
