In this episode, let’s gets real about something we all go through; how love changes over time. From the early-stage butterflies to the comfortable quiet that follows, I’m sharing what my personal beliefs and values about relationships, why the spark isn’t meant to last forever, and how understanding that can actually make love stronger.
You’ll also hear a powerful reminder from Stephen Covey: “Love is a verb.” Because the truth is, love isn’t just a feeling, it’s something you do, every single day.
If you’ve ever wondered whether “falling out of love” means the end or just the beginning of a new chapter, this one’s for you.
Full Transcript
Hey, welcome back to JacQ of All Trades, the podcast where we talk about life, work, creativity, and all the messy in-betweens that make us human.
This is Episode 16, and today we’re diving into something that’s close to my heart: love.
Not just the “sweep-you-off-your-feet, can’t-stop-thinking-about-them” kind of love… but the kind that sticks around after all that fades.
Now, what I’m about to share isn’t expert advice, it’s just my beliefs and values when it comes to relationships, and they’ve worked pretty well for me so far. So, take what resonates, laugh at what doesn’t, and maybe you’ll walk away seeing love a little differently.
Okay, let’s be real…the early stages of love? They’re addictive. You can’t stop thinking about each other. Every text feels like a dopamine shot. You start planning imaginary vacations together after three dates.
But eventually and it happens to everyone, that high fades. The butterflies settle down. You start noticing little quirks, like how loudly they chew or how they can’t seem to close a cabinet door to save their life.
And that’s usually when panic sets in.
“Oh no, the spark is gone. Maybe I’ve fallen out of love.”
But here’s what I’ve learned: that’s not the end of love. That’s just love changing form.
There was a time I thought the end of butterflies meant the end of connection.
If things felt too calm or routine, I’d think, “Uh oh, something’s wrong.”
Now I know better. That early-stage obsession, the one where your brain’s basically drunk on chemicals, isn’t meant to last forever. It’s biology’s way of getting us hooked.
Once the high wears off, you’re left with something deeper: stability, safety, and trust.
That’s the part no movie ever shows because, let’s be honest, it doesn’t make great cinema.
No one’s watching The Notebook: Laundry Edition.
But that’s where the real love story starts, in the quiet, ordinary, everyday stuff.
You can’t possibly live on chaos and adrenaline forever. Eventually, you want peace. You want someone who makes you laugh when life gets heavy, who remembers your coffee order, and someone who actually shows up.
Now, I’m gonna quote something that changed how I see relationships. It’s from Stephen Covey.
He once shared that a man told him, “I’ve fallen out of love with my wife. What should I do?”
And Covey said, “Love her. Love is a verb. Love (the feeling) is the fruit of love (the verb) or our loving actions. So love her. Sacrifice. Listen to her. Empathize. Appreciate. Affirm her.”
That linem “Love is a verb”, stuck with me.
Because we think love creates action.
But it’s actually the other way around.
We don’t act because we love; we love because we act.
Relationships don’t last just because two people love each other. They last because both people keep choosing to love, to show up, to listen, to forgive, even when it’s inconvenient, even when it’s not exciting.
That’s the unglamorous truth no one puts in rom-coms.
Now, let’s talk about something we don’t often admit out loud.
Sometimes, even when you’re in a committed relationship or friendship, you meet someone new who gives you that old spark again.
And it’s confusing. You feel alive in ways you haven’t felt in a while, and you start to wonder, “What does this mean?”
Here’s the thing: it doesn’t mean something’s wrong with you, or your relationship. It just means you’re human.
Attraction happens. The key is what you do with it.
If what you have is meaningful, acknowledge the feeling but don’t feed it.
Because if we acted on every spark, no relationship would ever survive.
Sometimes that attraction is just a reminder that you’re still capable of feeling deeply and that’s fine. But chasing that high means you’ll keep restarting instead of growing deeper.
Occasionally, love shifts forms. Maybe the romantic part ends, but it evolves into something platonic and supportive.
That’s not failure. That’s emotional evolution. I think that’s the most beautiful thing that can happen.
I’ve come to realize that love isn’t always loud.
Sometimes it’s soft. It looks like doing the dishes without being asked. Checking in after a long day. Knowing when to give space. Remembering their comfort food when they’re sad.
That’s not “boring.” That’s love being consistent.
It’s not the fireworks anymore, it’s the campfire that keeps you warm long after the sparks fade.
So if you’re worried that love feels different now, don’t panic. That’s what’s supposed to happen.
The “butterflies” did their job, they got you here.
Now it’s time for roots to grow. Because love isn’t just something you feel. It’s something you do. Every. Single. Day.
So yeah, that’s my take. That’s what I believe about love, and honestly, it’s made every relationship and friendship in my life richer. Once you understand that love evolves, you stop chasing excitement and start appreciating commitment in all its quiet and unsexy glory but it’s kind of beautiful that way.
Thanks for hanging out with me for Episode 16 of JacQ of All Trades.
And if you liked this chat, hit follow on Spotify or wherever you’re listening, it helps more people find the show, and it keeps me caffeinated enough to make more episodes like this.
Till next time, love deeply, act kindly, and remember, love might change, but that’s not a bad thing.
