Loves Job, Hates Boss or Loves Boss, Hates Job?

I posted this status on Facebook on early July 2014:

What prompted me to post this status was merely my curiosity to find out if my circle of friends/ acquaintances have similar thoughts as those who were part of the Gallup study where they found out that “immediate supervisor is number one reason why employees leave.” Then born the expression, “People don’t leave jobs; they leave bosses.”

Based on the comments made on my status, I could see that good relationship with their superior seem to be the preferred choice although I personally think it depends on individual preferences and situations.

Being trained in personality type, I understand while some people derive more satisfaction from having good relationships, some found excitement in the tasks at hands. In MBTI, it’s thinking vs feeling and in Wholebrain model, it’s rational self (blue quadrant) vs emotional self (red quadrant.)

Our choice could also depend on which stage of career we’re in. I came across this quote today while browsing through some business articles:

“Don’t pick a job. Pick a Boss. Your first boss is the biggest factor in your career success. A boss who doesn’t trust you won’t give you opportunities to grow.” ~William Raduchel~

Then I remember the comment made by Asrul Muzaffar Mohammed, who said, “You can learn from a boss you admire and respect. That’ll be useful when you find a job you actually love later on in life.” This was exactly the situation I was in when I started my first job. My first boss who happened to be my mentor as well is a person I admire, respect and came to love as a friend. My journey throughout my career became like a walk in the park because he taught me so much and guided me through in which Asrul further commented on a similar personal experience, “More often than not, the boss is more likely to support you throughout your career.”

I’ve had at least 5 different bosses besides my mentor before I left employment to start my own business. I’ve had to say that my relationship with my former bosses were pretty awesome and I’m still in touch with at least 2 of them occasionally. After the wonderful experience I had with my first boss who was personally vested in my personal growth and career advancement, I was so optimistic that I just never did see any of my bosses as being difficult although I heard it differently from my colleagues reporting to the same superior.

I merely see them as someone who had to get their jobs done and I had to do the same as instructed. After office hours, we hung out casually and talked about everything else but work. I think this should be the way to foster good relationships with your bosses and even colleagues. Work is work. Don’t get those mixed up. Disaster strike when you start thinking of your boss as a friend and expect them to behave like one during working hours.

So, if you ask me now, would I rather work with someone I love on the job that I hate? No way! It’s different now. I’m no longer a fresh graduate just starting. I have a mentor and a coach to guide me outside of work. I don’t need to necessarily be emotionally involved with my boss and for sure, I don’t need any endorsement from them to get to the next level.

But the answer would be yes if I were starting out. It’s so important for you to have a pleasant working relationship with your boss and your colleagues when you just started out. Realistically, not all of us are that lucky, but I believe you need to create your own luck. If your current boss is making your life a living hell and is not going anywhere soon, you ought to seek for the job you love so much elsewhere.

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I Do My Best. There is No Try.

there is no tryI’ve never liked the phrase, “I’ll try.” It just go on to show one is not 100% committed to achieving what they have set to do or are required to do. The word “try” to me is an inaction. That’s why I dropped this word from my vocabulary altogether. While I don’t impose this to others as well, I encourage them to not use the word. It gives signal to our brain that it’s okay to fail.

My favourite saying is “I do my best.” I picked this up from my NLP guru, Billy Kueek. Each time I thank him or give compliments to his work, he would humbly said to me, “I do my best.”

I personally think it’s an amazing way to put yourself in the mindset of someone who will give it all that they could or even exceeding themselves to achieve something they set out to. At the end of the day, if there are events that are not within their control cause them to not be able to achieve their goals, they don’t blame themselves or have their self-confidence take a hit. They will instead take responsibility, learn from it and move on to set bigger expectations to step out of their comfort zone.

However, yesterday when I said this phrase when I was with my mentor. He didn’t like it. He said, “What if your best is not the best? Do what is required.” I agree to certain extent but also disagree with him. “Not the best” is whose definition? I don’t want to go into those who say it just for the sake of saying it if that happens to be what he thought it was.

“I do my best” has become a mantra to me in every areas of my life. It should be within my own definition of my best effort and something so challenging that it should exceed my very own expectation. It’s “me vs me” kind of situation where I push my own limits.

As for what he said about “doing what is required.”, I agree but I would also say it depends on the situation or what is required. It’s not about limiting ourselves but also we need to be realistic about what is required. For example, if I’m required to close a business deal worth 1 million in the next 4 months. It’s challenging but possible. However, if I’m required to survive to survive in the Amazon for a month and given no time to learn any survival skills, even my best would mean having me starved to death or get eaten up by some wild animals.

Also, most importantly, when you’re asked to do what is required, you must ask yourself, “What drives/ motivates you to do it in the first place?” It doesn’t matter if you set the S.M.A.R.T goals. If you don’t feel passionate about it or rather it’s without the element of emotion, it’s not going to get you anywhere.

But that’s the discussion for another post that’s solely about setting goals that you’re passionate about and having choices to do what you love without following the “requirements” of others, at least not for long.


My Real Family

None of my real family members are directly related to me by blood except my brother.

Before I begin sharing, I just want to let the readers know that I hardly share about my personal issues because I always think that for me to maintain my image as someone positive who can motivate others, I should always stay problem-free. But the problem here is that human beings are not problem-free. In fact, I realize that people tend to not take my advice seriously when they perceive me as someone who’s without problems. So, this is probably my first post that is going to shed some lights into my personal issues.

I heard from others about their family problems. Either one or more of their family members were so messed up that it stressed them out to the point of depression but yet they stick around because they believe “blood is thicker than water.” I think this phrase is very much applicable if your biological family genuinely love and care for you.

I, for one, do not have the luxury of that and therefore, I choose my own family members. I don’t want to bore you with the stories of my family drama because that’s not the main point here. The main point here is to give you another perspective of what a family really means to you. If you’re thinking of what the dictionary says about family, then you’ll probably not able to break free from whatever problems you’re facing with your family members because you’re bound by blood.

The true meaning of family to me are people in your life who genuinely or unconditionally love and care for you. They accept you without judgement, support you in all your decisions except those that harm you. They’re there for you during your happy times and most importantly, they’re there during your down times.

That’s why my friends are my family and their wonderful family members are like family to me as well. With this in mind, I’m grateful for the good life I’ve been blessed with. I don’t feel so alone even though my biological family members betrayed and neglected me after all the sacrifices I’ve made for them.

It gives me hope that people out there could really take care of you and in my case, more than my biological family ever could. For those of you who feel like it’s the end of the world when you’re disowned by your so-called family, I just want you to know there’s always hope. Break ties and move on to your real family and if you don’t have any yet, make some!